That was my role in her love life: to be there waiting when it all fell apart. Meg always fell hard and fast, and I was good at giving her the space for that.

He was fine for a college boy, and I liked him. That night I got laid, and she met a boy who became her boyfriend. The whole point of college costumes was the sexy, of course, and it worked. Sometimes I like hearing the squeals and laughter of his kids, but tonight they’re excited about going to the store to pick out Halloween costumes, and I hate them for their happiness and for my memories.įor our sophomore Halloween at the U, Meg made me dress up, the first time I’d bothered since I was ten. I work until 5:30, then go home to my dingy apartment, which shares a wall with the apartment of a single dad who has custody three nights a week. I let him see me giggle.Īll in all, it’s a decent show. When I look up, he’s watching, and I gulp and smile and drop my face in shame.Ī few moments later I glance through my lashes. I let my fingertips rest against my bare skin. When he joins a supervisor at a desk two rows from mine, I take off my cardigan and toy absently with the button at my dress’s neckline. Today I don’t run into Steven in the break room, and I’m concerned that I haven’t snagged his interest. And I have too much ice on the inside to live with the dark and cold. Minneapolis is fine during the summer but too empty during winter. Kuala Lumpur is like that, but I don’t speak enough Malay to truly sink into it. It might be good for me to be surrounded by that kind of emotion. Melodramas playing out on every street and on every floor of every building. Instead of depending on Meg’s vibrancy to keep me human, maybe I could rely on the crazed heartbeat of that city. If I lose my job, I can sell the place in Malaysia and move to New York. Regardless, my kind doesn’t worry much about the future. I have no idea what I should expect or even what I should want. Or should I want to stay so I can remember her and pretend I might run into her at any moment? I don’t know how grief works. I like Minneapolis too, but I’ll be happy to leave. I want to get back to it-but not until I’ve finished this.

I now have less than fifty days for this little adventure. My Malaysian employer thinks I’m caring for a dying relative. I could almost afford to live here on the pittance of an hourly wage I’m making now. I rent it for its proximity to this office and because it has nice security measures for its price point-which is low. Now I live in a run-down one-bedroom apartment three blocks from my new job.

Victoria helen stone jane doe